Only that once you've finnished the title the brain goes bye bye.
But I'll try.
There is so much inside of me at the moment:
-Frustration
-Anger
-Irritation
-Disapointment
-Discontent
-Selfdoubt
-Need for physical contact.
-Need for laughter and a feeling of "we belong together and nothing will ever tear us apart" (but those kinds of wishes doesnt come true I fear, not for me. Not if you're supposed to believe my horoscope anyway. My life ticket is to never find unconditional true love, something my heart is crying for. When I read that my heart sank down into my stomach and I started thinking, what if its true? Love hasnt been easy for me so far and now my love live across the world, on another continent. It doesnt look good. Am I living in a fantasy?)
-Bitterness.
-Sadness over that Im not using my full potential and letting my modest amount of talent go to waste.
-Need for purpose and direction.
Something must change. I must change. Im heading down a wrong path. My behaviour isnt quite constructive. I find that there are so much wrong with me that I dont know where to start improving myself. This isnt good.
Yesterday there was the movie Phantom of the Opera on tv. Once again I felt enourmous pity on the poor phantom. He has such talent, such love for music and is terribly missunderstood and unhappily in love with Christine. Hides his semi-grotesque face in fear of not being accepted.
"Masquerade, paperfaces in parade, masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you."
Somehow I identify myself with him.
Im sorry for all this self pity.
This is just an airhole for me.
Im usually not this solemn.
I hide my sorrow pretty well, I think...
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