thursday

Better day today than yesterday.

At least I got to the job center though I fell off my bike on the way there. Its gonna leave a big bruise on my hip.
Since I felt so bad about my disastrous yesterday I put more effort into it today and I sent away three job applications. I also went on a info meeting and learned that I have to pick out a job coach for next friday. And also got some tips on jobs I can apply for. By this time, since there are soooo many unemployed young people in this town I'll take whatever I can get.

Later in the day I met with my friend Ann-kim who recently moved out of town and is on visit. We ate mcdonalds and sat there and talked for about two hours. It felt very good. It was as if she never left, besides that she has and is living an entire different life now. But knowing ann-kim, I know that she'll adjust in no-time over there and she'll be ok.

Yesterday dad showed me a book among all the different weird books he has in his bookshelf. A little blue, battered one called "To open inner doors" and its a sort of religious book, atleast its about getting closer to god and every day has a special upplifting and wise text. Like today is called:
Work FOR My laws, not against them
And its about letting go of inner tensions by following the laws of god, to surrender to them. To surrender to the belief that god knows best and what is best for me. To let him guide me and show me my way. But for that I have to trust..

I dont know if I can trust. And I don't like to be forced to do stuff without having total confidence in them. I have a big scepcism against god and religion. Im far too practical to believe in what I can't see. What can't be prooved. Though the texts does help, most of them. They are relaxing and soothing to read. But I feel a bit like a hypocrite cause everytime it mention God I get irritated.

Now I have to sleep.

Over and out.