and its raining again

I hate it. The tears that falls...
The sadness that builds upp and brakes through and I can barely mask it and hide it. And Im emarrassed to show it. And Im embarrassed to want that someone notice and cares.
The self pity that wallows inside...and I cry more.
The loneliness, the feeling of failure.
And what do I do about it? Sqwat!
I shouldnt be alone. I shouldnt be by myself and live alone...
Im sorry Prieto. Im not stronger...

Im apathic, cowardly and shy away from responsibilities. Egoistic even :(
And I hate it. I want sunshine and a bright future, confidence, security, warmth and harmony and love! I want to feel good about myself. I want to be what Im supposed to be. I wish I could please people better. I know its not the way, cause I should please myself first. But pleasing myself doesnt get me anywhere, cause I'm lazy! And I just end up doing nothing.

No. Change must come. I gotta think over this. And pull myself together. And Act!
Thank you and good night!